Plans to move out

It's been in the talks for a while with Jasper. I've been wanting to move out with him for a while, considering nearly all this year, I've been spending a majority of my time at his apartment. So I'm hoping to move out with him sometime in February. I know I know, why am I moving out when I'm not even financially secure? Look, I've thought about it a lot, and I'm not really a person to make really rash decisions. But logically, I should be able to find a job some time soon. I'm just not pushing myself hard enough. And on the off chance that I don't get a job before then, well, I guess I'll run on my savings. And Jasper has offered to pay as well T^T But of course, I'll do my best to get a job before that happens. Haven't found a place as of yet, but looking at a few small apartments currently. We're hoping to pay roughly 25o max per week together. So 125 per person. So if I get a job, that shouldn't even be too hard to make a living. I told my mum yesterday, which ended up with me in tears. Honestly cried for a good 20 or so minutes I think. She is very harsh with her words. Saying that I was ungrateful and how she more or less wish that my sisters and I didn't exist. There are some other stuff behind all this, but I'd rather not go in depth about it... But it's still unfair for her to say such harsh words and treat me the way she has considering what I've sacrificed. Paying for school fees does not justify everything. But anyway. After that, things went back to normal. I don't know what this means. But I've more or less got the support of my grandma, which admittedly is a little unexpected. But she thinks that if I'm moving in with Jasper, it should be alright. There are a lot of things to consider, and I can't say I'm fully prepared or organised about this. All of this is very new to me, and the fact that this has been organised last minute, and sort of reliant on me was unexpected. I had the expectation that Jasper would be the one who'd be organising it all from beginning to end. Well, no. I helped him look at a few places for rent, and apparently now I should go to do an inspection of some of these places. I'm a bit worried about that. What exactly am I meant to look out for? What am I meant to ask? What do I do if it's perfect, but there are also other people who want it? Is it first come first serve? What do I do?? Sigh. With all this stress about moving out, looking for a job, need to work on portfolio, thinking about parties in the weeks ahead... there are so much more to think about that I'm slightly over in my head.. I wish Jasper was here TT__TT

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you guys get lots of prezzies cos you guys deserve it! ^__^ Today is going to be a bit busy, apparently there are people coming over, so I need to vacuum the house when I get a chance. We'll probably just have a feast, which Lucy is preparing early in the morning atm, so hopefully it won't taste too bad. >.> Seriously, I've never seen so much food in our house. It does not happen. It's been a while since we've done anything big as a family... things have sorta gotten out of hand over the year, so it's a good thing to have people over. Of course, I'll probably end up stuck in my room and only come out to greet and eat. One of my plans today is to read. It's so exciting! ><" I've been saying it in the back of my head for ages, but never done anything about it. But I reckon I've finally got the time to do that. Well, I've always had but I've always been watching some tv show or something. Hmm maybe I should read that book... what's it called again? Oh yeah. The book thief. That's a great book. I wish I had more books though... books I haven't read. Within the last 3 yrs, I've bought over possibly 20 or so books because I've wanted to own all the good books I've read that kept my childhood alive. If it weren't for books, I don't know how I would have survived life. It really helped me escape my life once in a while, and I really miss that. Everything feels so real. Does that make sense? I actually feel like my creativity has been drained since uni. Books used to make me feel really creative. I guess I need to recharge on that stuff? But I think it's getting harder for me to imagine like I used to so vividly. So I guess it's time to bring back another part of me that I used to care a lot more. I went to a friend's place and celebrated Dutch Christmas a few weeks ago, which was a lot of fun. Partly cos a lot of people weren't expecting their gifts, and it's really fun to see everyone's reaction. An example of this was this tv box. Sure we all though, hah that's obviously a tv. But when it came to opening it, it was actually a 3D tv! ><" Unexpected feature woo! And I also received a gift despite it being last minute. Oh and I forgot to mention that they read a poem before each gift. And I received a beautiful one from Sinterklaas (which I suspect was Arend's mum). Here it is: Mei, Beauty and quiet strength combined are qualities one does not often find but in you, lovely Mei they are abundantly present in every way Part of the 'tribe' that grew these last few years you were always somewhere in the heart of that group of peers gathering with a multitude of films and food romantic love entering into it to boot the next few months may be a bit still but perhaps lighting a candle will chase away gloominess and make the length of the wait feel a little bit less Sint. <3 So sweet. And so I got that beautiful candle holder. Lol, only thing is that 'Sint' left the price tag on xD Still. It was beautiful. I don't light it everyday because I don't have my own matches but when I do, it's nice to stare at the flickering flame. Anyway gonna go now cos I can't concentrate with two people talking to me. Ciao ^^

Hey guys! Okay- just going to put it out there for now, I'm going to be posting at least once a week, because I need to fill in my time right now :/ So lonely without Jasper now. Can't believe it's only been a week without him. T____T Well hopefully time will fly by... Anyway. What's happening in my life? Well not much apparently. Things have died down heaps, haven't seen anyone for a whole week (well except for Devo on Skype!) so I'm a little lonely. I'm meant to start getting my life sorted, so I got newstart allowance, which requires me to look for 10 jobs per week T____T I'm finding it hard to find suitable part time/full time jobs in hospitality similar to my job at the shop. I've only managed to get 2 job interviews, and so far no responses from them :/ I guess I'm not really a good candidate T^T I'm a bit worried how I'll find a job/career because I don't really specialise in any area. I mean sure, it'd be great to work in a small studio with a group of people.. but then who would hire me? Everyone wants the best, and I'm far from that. I've always been average or a bit above it, who wants that? I do want to be able to apply myself somehow, but who is willing to give a graduate with no experience a chance? Not many places that I know of. They all want people with experience. I know my teacher said at some point that we should just ignore that and apply- but that doesn't work unless you have good work to show. If not, then it won't make a difference. It would have been great if all unis had a work path plan. They somehow make deals with companies and such, and make sure everyone will end up somewhere. Guess it's not that easy. :/ I've got to look for 10 jobs by Wednesday I think, cos I have to report back and have an appointment with Centrelink. Forewarning for those who want to apply for newstart- don't bother applying if you don't like hassle. I wish I didn't. It's not work 250 something dollars per fortnight just so I can waste my time applying for jobs just to meet their requirements, as well as going to 3hr sessions doing nothing but look for jobs on their slow computers. Just thinking about it gets me riled up. Moving on. I really really want to rearrange my room. I wish I had more space. But I'm thinking if I rearranged it the way I have in my mind, I should be able to get some extra room. Only downside is where my Mac is placed. I mean, I don't really want to have my computer facing towards the way people come into my room so they can look at my screen. I mean, I'm not watching anything unsavory if that's what you're thinking, but like if I'm talking to Jasper, maybe he doesn't want others to see him. That kind of thing. I should probably think about this a bit more, because at the moment, the bed is aligned nicely with my computer so I can watch movies in bed. Hmmm. Oh well. I'll see how I go cos there's so much crap to move if I choose to rearrange it ^^;

Done and Dusted

I've finally finished! It's been a crazy year, but I've finally made it through. I've been on holidays for about two weeks now, so things died down a bit, except I still had to deal with the opening night for our Multimedia screening. It was an intense 3 days of setting up plinths, painting them and carrying macs on top of them. A lot of the hard stuff was set up by a select few of us cos other people just didn't turn up to help :/ The exhibition should have just been for the select few of us who did it -.-' Anyways, the screening was on Friday, which turned out to be a success. So many people. So many. Well, it wasn't just us who were showing off the work done over the year. There was the rest of the faculty. My family came to see it, so this would really be the first time they've actually seen my work hahah. So no idea what they thought about it. Apparently my dad was convinced that it was based on real life, me being the geisha and the samurai and ninja were the guys who were into me >.> (I'll get around to uploading the video at some point.. need to ask permission from the song artist). But yeah overall it was good. Oh and apparently the next day, one of my friends was doing a sitting for the gallery, and she overheard someone saying something about my animation ><" Apparently they went out and got their friend to come back and watch my animation and said that it nearly made them cry >____<" That really made me happy xD Best compliment ever! I only got a Distinction for it unfortunately because of how the paper dolls were swinging on the string T^T Only 75. T^T But my teacher actually asked me to stay behind on the first day we were setting up, saying that I must have felt bummed about my results (which I was... I may have cried>.>) but I would still get an HD for my unit because I did really well in my presentation. He said he would have given me a higher grade cos he really did like it, but because this was marked with other people, so that couldn't happen. Sigh T^T Hmm what else... Hmm I had something else to say but I've forgotten it. Oh well. Oh wait I remember! Yeah. Multimedia Masters. Oh. My. God. Woowwww. I might sound really horrible for saying this but... the work that they produced was pretty bad :S A lot of our work from our class turned out sooo much better than those doing Masters. I mean, not all of them were bad, but a majority were. And the teacher in charge of them was so unorganised. God dammit, couldn't you have put all the video files into a playlist instead of having to get up every few minutes and say the title of the next file then play it?! For God sake's, you're in multimedia!! I reckon I should consider Masters later on just based on the quality of work shown to us. Although I think a lot of it can be blamed on the teacher for Masters >.> But yes, I've been a tad busy, and I feel horrible for neglecting my school friends T^T I'm really sorry for not being able to keep in touch for the last few months. I might not be in contact for just a little bit longer because I want to spend some time with Jasper before he leaves for Seattle for two whole months T^T Which will be hard considering I'm with him on such a regular basis. But yes, hopefully I'll be seeing people at parties perhaps?

I've been reading up on some horoscope related things... Does anyone else read them? I find them fascinating because sometimes they can be very accurate. I know I know, they probably make the most general statement that it could be applied to anyone but.. They're so much fun to read. But yes, I've been stuck on pinterest for a bit, reading quotes and whatnot. Okay I actually have nothing to say because I'm procrastinating again..heh that was one of the things about virgos. 'Although they can usually get things done, they're serious procrastinators'. But yes... Jasper is away atm, he's working on his claymation, so I'm bored. We usually skype call for hours on end... Not always talking, but it's just nice to have his presence around. I'm just wondering what to do over the holidays now. What are peoples plans? Does everyone plan to go overseas or something? This time I'll make an effort to hang out with everyone. ^^;

4 more weeks

Phew. Coming in close. There are four more weeks left of this semester. Four more weeks till I have to finish everything. Scary. How am I going so far? Hmm.. not great but not bad either. In terms of homework, I'm managing alright... Got a C for essay, as expected. Illustration... T_T A lot worse than I thought, but thank goodness we can resubmit. So far I'll be resubmitting 2 assignments because I only got a C for them T___T First one was good apparently, but certain things made me lose marks so I only got a C for it. Second assignment... He didn't like it at all T___T I get what he means but I thought it was cute >.> Oh well... Anyway, at least this time round, I'm feeling more inspired so hopefully I'll get something better. Was able to show him my idea so that's good. Finally, my animation. Oh my god. I'm so sick of it already. Timing is a tad off, so I have to go back on everything and make sure it works, I want to redo a few frames because a lot of it was thrown together very poorly. In general I get good feedback, but teachers do keep saying it's all the little things that make it a HD rather than a D. I know that T^T It's more like can I be bothered to do it anymore. I'm definitely not as committed as I was to it at the start, because overall, it's not what I intended. I'm just pushing through now just to get a good mark. In the end, hopefully it'll look sorta good, but I don't know if it'll be something I'm proud of. And I should email the band/person and see if I can submit it into comps or what not. Assuming it looks good in the end. Well anyway I can't wait to finish, even if it's just because of homework. I really want a break. Oh and something random.. I might be going to China at the end of this year for a bit. My aunty wants to learn English, and I might go there to help teach her. If I do happen to go, I'd probably do it while Jasper's away in America. Man I'm going to miss him T^T Don't know how he'll survive without me for so long ><"

I wonder where it all began to go wrong. I envy everyone. I wish I could make friends. It's amazing how often everyone seems to be making new friends. Go on Facebook, 'oh look, _____ has made 3 friends!' Maybe I'm too caught up in my little bubble? Nothing wrong with that I guess, but I want to be able to talk to other people once in a while. Even you guys. But everyone seems to have moved on in their lives, I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. I'm pretty sure I missed a big part of school life. Mainly the time when there was a birthday party or some gathering or whatever. I don't have any memories of these, and I regret not being able to be a part of it. Partly my fault, but at times I don't think it was. Parties meant money, which I had only from birthdays or Christmases, so I had to ration it all out. The fact that I couldn't really spend much money on myself as the only money I ever received was from my parents, and that wasn't much either. I envy people who's family are better off. I'm not in it for the money, I just want to be able enjoy my life like everyone else. I guess it never helped that I was depressed for the remaining years of my high school years. I thought I'd gotten over this depressing phase.. but current events don't really make that easy. Things haven't really changed. If anything, things are worse than ever. My life beyond my family is generally better, but even then it's held back because of family. You know how much I just want to just type it all out so I can just some sort of pity? It's the worst. I hate losing myself to the point of feeling like I have to beg for attention. No one likes that. The only one I've really been able to confide in is Jasper. I'm so grateful to have him. But even then, it's not the same. I find it unfair how easily other people get sympathy and comfort and encouragement despite the fact that it's taken me forever to even open up to anyone. I guess I've just never felt that anyone has actually taken any interest in me. I see how everyone has a lot stronger bond to each other, whereas I feel that somewhere along the way I must have missed that opportunity with others. I guess I'm just feeling a bit upset at the moment...my head kind of hurts... I'm just tired.

If anyone wanted to know, my birthday was good. Jasper treated me to dinner, and we had Malaysian. Had some mee goreng. Soo good. He had some curry thing. Overall, it was a nice quiet day... Presents? Hmm. Well ok let's see... I got 100 bucks from dad on Saturday, a bag from Typo from my sisters, a tub of M&Ms from Milly, and finally a ring from Jasper <3 I actually knew he had something planned for me, cos I kind of ruined the surprise, just didn't know what it was. He basically commissioned a friend of ours to make me a ring #^__^# He was really sweet all day, not that he isn't most days :P I guess the only thing I would have wished for was to celebrate my birthday with everyone :( But that wouldn't work with all these problems. Sigh. I dunno... birthdays for me sometimes feel like such a superficial thing, a reminder to those that you exist. You'd hope that people would think about you more often than once every year.. Maybe I'm not one to talk because I rarely go out of my way to talk to people anymore. I just think sometimes I don't have much of a personality that people find that attractive, so people don't often want to hang with me. I reckon I have a doormat personality. I just let people walk all over me sometimes. They probably don't know it unless I said something. All this negativity... this probably is also what scares people away..

I admit, I'm a little sad. There's a reason why I don't like my birthday. Cos the time around then always makes me a little upset. This year is no exception unfortunately. I mean given the circumstances, I understand but... well... 21st? I've never really asked much of my parents I think, I've always been a good girl (relatively), I even cleaned the house today while everyone went out, and I was at home stuck doing homework. It's just sad that I can't even celebrate my birthday, not even go out for dinner. If only our family's circumstances were better... if only I weren't greedy. I should stop wanting things to happen. Else I'm just hurting myself.

T^T

I'm a bit scared O_O My birthday has finally creeped up on me again T^T And this time it's my 21st... AHHHHhhHHHH DX I'm turning 21 and I'm finishing uni this year... T______T I doubt I'd have a party cos... well it'd be hard to organise.. And there are a few problems at home so... I think we'll just end up going out for dinner on Sunday again, and celebrate father's day as well as my mum's b'day ^^; And I'm thinking of staying at Jasper's on Tuesday for my birthday... Lol he said he'd treat me (@^_^@) But yeah... I would really like to spend my birthday with a bunch of my friends but.. Well nothing has been going right recently. Maybe next year?

Can't wait for the new sailor moon ><"

When will it all end? T^T

I'm sorry for not posting again... last few weeks have been quite hectic. Last few weeks haven't been that great. Yesterday our family received some bad news, that my cousin had died from cancer. I was shocked. I still can't believe it. I thought he was getting better. I was wrong. I don't get how this could happen. I've only known one person in my life who has died, and I wasn't close to her because she was one of my parents employees a few years ago. He was so young still. Just a year or two younger than Lucy. He was really quiet when I met him again two years ago, but after a few days he warmed up to us. He was a bit of a smart aleck. I wish I had the chance to know him better. Now I'll never get that chance.

I hope in my life, I can make some impact on some peoples' lives. I don't think I've really stood out too much in life, being relatively quiet to the rest of my friends, but I hope that people will remember me if anything happened to me.

Ignore my current layout... stupid me I forgot to back up so things are a bit messed up. I'll have to fix it when I actually have time to edit the html. In the mean time, I guess you can just comment on my posts if you have anything to say.

Uni starting again has been... well not fun. It's just a reminder of how much I have to work this semester. T^T There are a few worries for me... Mainly my project for this semester, my animation. It's 56 sec or so long, 12 fps (frame per second) so that equates to 672 frames. So I have to draw around that many frames within the next 12 weeks? T^T It's a big ask I think, cos I have to draw them manually, and then edit them in Photoshop by adding colour and textures... so animating 3 characters and all the background.... I'm seriously hoping I can pull it off cos then that would be amazing. It doesn't help how my teacher is being seriously picky about everything, as I'm changing things around to suit his preference seeing as he is marking it... of course I can't make everything suit him or else I don't think I'll be able to achieve my final goal. >.>  I don't think it'd be impossible to do this animation if it weren't for my other units really.
Theory= Oh god kill me I don't know anything. Art and Social Change. It sounded like the most interesting one, except it doesn't help if I don't know my history/politics. Also worried about this symposium thing O.o I thought it'd be two essays but hopefully the symposium should be alright... as long as I'm not the one doing the talking ^^;
My other unit, is an illustration class of some sort. I only chose it cos I wanted to build up my folio a bit, except only problem with class is the amount of briefs we have. I think there were 6? So once every fortnight really. It's a first year class so hopefully it'll mean lower expectations. So overall I'm thinking this might get a little hectic over the semester. I really hope I'll have some time to breathe cos it feels like I'm going to be stressing a lot this semester real bad T_____T So I apologise in advance if I won't be able to catch up or be as active with any of you guys cos I have to push through this last semester somehow. Still, feel free to talk to me online or something ^^;

xox Mei

Nearly been a month since my last post... I've just been dealing with a lot of family related stuff and it's kind of put me off talking to anyone really. It's hard to deal with so I've been trying to keep myself busy and staying over at other people's places to get away from it. Why do people take me for granted? As strong as I have been over the years, it's only going to be a matter of time before I can't take it all and just leave everything behind. Honestly feel like that could be the easiest option sometimes. But I don't want to be irresponsible so I'm going to do my best to get through this.
But I'm honestly considering moving out next year. The only problem is that I haven't figured out what I should do yet, so nothing is going to happen till I decide on that really. I envy those who still have a year of uni left; there's so much more I'd want to learn in my course... too bad it's only a 3 year course. There's always the option to study some more but I don't know. This would mean I'd know what I want to do and take it a step further. I still haven't researched any of the courses which I should if I do plan to study more. I'm thinking it unlikely though at this stage. I've never seen myself much of a business/career woman in the future. I have no passion in doing well in that sense. I like to learn, but who's going to pay you to learn? I want to be able to explore the world, the cultures, enjoy crafts... none of this would amount to anything substantial in a career sense. I know most people go through what I'm going through at the moment, but because it's personal this time, you realise how lost you feel. I wish people would stop asking what I plan to do next year, or remind me that this is my last semester though; I know so you don't have to keep telling me. I don't have a fucking clue okay. Why can't I enjoy the little freedom I'll have before I sign the rest of my life off to become part of the society? As our life expectancy grows higher, retirement age increases... We're going to have to spend more of our time to work our butts off just to support our lifestyle

I hate my life right now and I wish I could just get away from everything... Why does everything keep happening to me

Things are slowly starting to pick up- today I did a lil bit of shopping- bought some fake ugg boots to keep my feet warm while I'm around the house. For those who have been to my house, know how much of a death trap it can be. So my feet are doing well tonight heheh :P also took the heater so I have some heat in my room wooot ><" Hm also bought a cheap keyboard so I can use while I'm in Windows. It gets confusing sometimes using a Mac keyboard in Windows mode, so I had to get a keyboard for it. Bonus side though is that I get all the rest of the keys that the Mac one doesn't have. I got the stupid shortened version of the Mac keyboard when it came with the Mac. Also bought some sugar, loads of chocolate (sooo bad but sooo gooood), and butter. Was planning on making brownies today but I'm feeling a bit slack right now so dunno if I'll still make them.
Tomorrow is gonna be exciting ^___^ Dad's back~~~!!!!! YESSSSS!!!! This is exciting for many reasons:
1. I miss him
2. Grandma will be leaving soon I think?
3. Clothes~! ><" Hahaha
But I'm going to be really happy that he's back tomorrow. Except I'm pretty busy tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be able to make some time for him during the day :/
Cos tomorrow is the 19th so it's been two months with Jasper, so we'll go and have lunch together I think. I feel a bit bad cos he won't really be able to see me much this week... he's constantly reminding me and making me feel bad that I don't see him enough ^^; Which I personally think I do but ^^; Also got Devo's thing cos I won't be able to make it on Friday... I should probably tell family that too cos they probably expect me to stay and have dinner to celebrate dad being back :/ Mum's fault for getting the date wrong. Originally I thought he'd be back today but that wasn't the case. Oh well. Plenty of time to spend over the hols with family.
Actually, today I was thinking of telling my mum about me and Jasper... Just trying to find the right moment though ^^; I thought it might be easier if I just told mum and she could spread the word so I don't have to tell dad. Technically it would probably be easier to tell dad but.. hmm. Well I'll see how things pan out tonight. Well isn't this exciting.... ><"

It's over

YAY! I'm finally free! The semester concludes! Wooooot! Sorry for being MIA for the last week- I've been sleeping over at friends' house because of uni T_T It's been great, loads of fun- but when it got down to business, so stressful. Because I hadn't touched any of the php stuff when we were taught it, so I had no idea how put all my html into php. So thank god I had my friends help with that. After that, majority of it was fairly simple- except for a few things here and there but meh. I didn't achieve everything I wanted to- could not be stuffed making the form look pretty so it was all on the same page... I really should have made a few more pages for separate content and such but.. I got really lazy by the end of it all. I think overall, I still did a commendable job though- so I'm bound to get a C/D for it at least. HD is a big ask but who knows (<- secretly hoping but reality there is no way). Had to do a rough cd cover for my submission as well because apparently we need one... got a text around 4am last night from Jasper saying that we needed one... T____T So I was really tired.
Didn't really get to celebrate with everyone at the end of submission which is sad cos we usually do... we all went our separate ways after that. Got a lift home from Arend which was good. We stopped by Maccas :P Hahaha I've gained a few kilos I think with the week from overeating/snacking. Time to get fit again...>.> But yes... I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! Next week is pretty busy- but after that I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee again. Hahaha. Well I hope I'll get to see most people over the break so feel free to contact me :P Seeeeya.

So I'm pretty sure I won't be able to make it to Devo's now T_____T So Em- I won't be able to get the 3ds from Ema. That week though- seems like it's going to be busy :S things might change though so that'll be good. Anyways. YES FINISHED MY STUPID PROJECT. It's really crap.

*few hours later*
Lol I got really distracted xD Was organising this anime sleepover thing. Well. Suffice to say, we didn't get very far. I also just finished my documentation! SWEET! So tomorrow I can go get that printed out, then head to uni and hand in my final... then have lunch with Jasper, Arend and Tarn.. Hopefully. ^____^ I'm getting slightly excited now though because I've just got one more assignment to do now!!!!! WEBSITE DX

Oh yeah and to continue on from what I said before- my video is crap. I'm hoping in the eyes of my teacher, it's like some sort of artistic crap that will do well... but when I showed other people they have no clue what's going on. Sighh. Well I re-edited it, but it still probably doesn't make as much sense. Hopefully the teacher will be able to fill in the blanks. He said he's good at that. Lol. Well hopefully he gets what I'm trying to pull off... cos I'm not 100% sure either xD Wish me luck~! I get to collect it on Friday so hopefully it'll get marked by then :S

Heheh just made it :P Kinda forgot about updating. ^^; Went to Jasper's two days ago, which is why I didn't post on Thursday ^^; I went to uni to get some work done- not that I didn't have the program or anything, but that way I could ask for Jasper's help (｡･｀ω´･｡) We ended up watching Scream ^^; I thought it was meant to be a scary movie, but it really wasn't ><" Rather funny actually. Don't think we did much besides talk and watch movies.. hmm. Oh I washed the dishes though because it's something that's always bugged me >.> Jasper and Seb are always fighting over the dishes =__=" It's such a small thing yet I always hear them yelling about it over Skype. So eventually I got my vid done, although I'm not satisfied with it so I'm working on it right now. I don't even know where I'm going with this... it's really hard to find the right kind of footage. What my idea was to find footage from movies/shows etc and compile them into a short clip. What I'm having trouble with is expressing my idea... beauty vs disease... I'm not sure if people's initial reaction would be those two topics. Well maybe beauty, but not so much disease. I mean, I've got people blowing up and stuff but that doesn't explain how it relates to disease. Well I'll have to upload it later and maybe it'll make sense. Probably won't keep it up for long cos of copyright issues and stuff >.> Cos it's just a uni project, the teacher said it didn't matter to source anything (sweeeet), but I couldn't put this into anything if I wanted to. Not that I would want to because this is turning out crap. Oh well. I'm sure I'll get a C at least...

Too tired to post something tonight.. Will post something tomorrow I promise ^^; Now off to bed to read Narnia!

Oh god I'm slowly falling behind T___T I'm starting to get a bit worried now... save me Jeebus!

Sorry for extremely long post last time- honestly didn't think it would be that long. And sorry for missing out a post yesterday... wasn't in a really good mood. I think things are finally starting to hit me- not sure if I have enough time to do my homework at the rate I'm going, so I'm a little worried because I still haven't finalised on what I want to do... Some other personal problems which I won't go into right now...

This morning I woke up at 8.20, hoping to get some work done and everything... well that failed epically. Ended up lying in bed till 9.30 and fell back asleep... woke up to a text from Jasper around 12pm ^^; So I slept for pretty much half a day. Whoops. But an upside to that is that I had one of my wacky dreams again! It's been a while. This is basically what I typed to Jasper because I will most likely forget details...

" I remember I was a ghost of some sort. Or one of the main characters in my dream was a ghost. For some reason, all these kids were locked up in some place, in a barren land. Some guy on a truck arrives. He's part of the guys who locked the children up, but ends up betraying them because he helps set free some girls. So he pretended he was taking the girls somewhere in the truck, but he actually releases them just beyond the fence. Then some sort of emergency happens in the facility where all the kids are kept captive. Then I don't remember some details after this... But I remember the guy had to go find a phone charger within a pile of rubbish with the help from the ghost. The ghost initially tried making contact with the guy, but the guy couldn't see it.. The ghost tried moving objects and things which shocked the guy but eventually he got over it...
I think it was a competition of some sort because I recall seeing a tv which showed various people paired into groups..."

That's more or less how I remember my dream.. it was quite exciting really. I wonder what lead me to thinking up something like that?

Freak out

I'm a little annoyed that I have two parties on the same day now =/ I thought it would be fine at first, assuming that I arrived a bit later for one of them. But, Jack said no, arrivals should be around 7-8pm cos he doesn't want people to arrive during the speeches :S And Devo's party starts at 7:30pm... so it's a really, really tight squeeze T___T Devo if you're reading this, I don't know if you got my messages, but if not I'll send you a fb message then.. But any chance of me arriving a bit earlier before 7:30? I think at this rate, I'll probably literally only stay for a few minutes because it'll take around half an hour to get to the other venue, assuming that I can convince my dad to take me to them (he comes back from China that very week, so lucky if he's willing!), otherwise it'd take me an hour and a half to get to the other venue by public transport, and that would be a big ask to travel at night in formal wear >.> I'm thinking of using cheesecake as a bribe for my dad if he's not willing to take me ^^; I swear, I always feel like I have to bribe my family somehow because they never seem to be willing to do anything for me T____T If Lucy asks for a ride, she gets one, when I ask, it's always mehhhh or annoyed looks. Seriously don't get that.
I don't want to miss anyone's birthday party this year as this year is full of 21st birthdays. If only the timing was better... Really don't want to only end up staying at Devo's party for just 5 mins though.. cos that's just sad. I mean, I've known her for longer than Jack, so really, Devo should take more priority... But Jack was sort of there at the end of last year, being a good friend when I was talking about Tristan (the guy who confessed to me over skype..) and then I found out this year that Jack also had a crush on me, only holding back because of Tristan... So I kind of want to be there because we've sort of become a bit distant ever since he found out I was going out with Jasper :/
Anyway, that's one of my main things I've been worrying about because I'm not 100% sure how to solve it yet :S Another thing is my assignments... I *still* haven't gotten down to business. Well not really. Ever since Tuesday's class, I haven't done anything. I tried this morning, tried looking for an artist's video my teacher suggested, but could not find it anywhere on the internet =/ Only managed to find snippets of it, but the main focus was on the curators who were discussing the work T_T So I'll have to figure my own interpretation of it, because I want to base my final outcome on it. Which is kind of weak, because I have nothing to go on, just making it up as I go along. I still haven't done enough research for it... good thing is that the teacher said we didn't have to annotate it, which is great ^____^ So I guess I'll just find a bunch of images and collage them a bit... probably need a good 10 or more pages..? Not sure because this folio is worth 100%... And maybe organise the images and stuff so it makes sense, sort of flows so you can see how I ended up with my outcome. Hmmmm. I really suck at this kind of stuff >.> Should be used to it by now, after doing years of folios. Website... Hmm let me go make a screenshot for you so you can see what I have at the moment.

That's my homepage. I still have to fix the green cos teacher didn't agree with it >.> I may have suggested that myself so the teacher also felt the need for me to change it.. damn it. It's been an impossible task to find a good green :/ He said that if I couldn't find a good green, go for something else. Like a blue. Ew no. That would look a bit strange if you ask me. Anyway, I've still got a lot of work to do.. I need to put everything I already have into wordpress somehow, so that the client can add posts and everything, and my style sheet will do the rest in organising the content and whatnot. I still have to design a few of the other pages, and add a donate page, include breadcrumbs and some other stuff that I think will make my head explode T____T Damn Mark asdfja;lkdlan ;ioawv'oe iowweof!?! You know what he said? I think he said that if we don't use wordpress, the highest mark you can get is a distinction T____T Which suckkksss cos making a normal site can be pretty hard in itself if you don't know what you're doing ( me TT____TT)
I really don't want to end up relying on Arend to help me for the website too much, cos I need to be more independent again with my learning and take more initiative in my own education. Cos you know, people aren't as nice in the real world and all >.> Hmmm. Well I've sort of made a plan for tomorrow. Get up at 8.30 am (So I need to sleep before 12 tonight! No exception!) Eat breakfast while watching something short... do some exercise (I've skipped about half a week T_T so might do a full hour to make up for it..). Should be around 10-11am around then, so I will start work. Soo... look for videos that I could use (videos of bodies or stuff exploding... diseases..zombies? Hmm not sure yet.) Find a few more images, and start to organise them better in my document. Rewrite the essay thing at the start for the documentation, make it longer so it looks like I've really thought about it ><" Ermm let's see what else... If I'm not bored of this assignment, I'll probably start cutting up collected videos and selecting parts of footage I want. After that, I reckon I'll finish off my documentation for my second brief for my other class. So that means more research, and maybe sneak in a few more sketches or something. Hopefully by the end of tomorrow, I will have already finished one my projects completely, allowing me to fully focus on the other two assignments. Ok so now I think I will try and conquer a few more chapters in Narnia before I go to bed in an hour or so. ^^; Long post is long ^^;

Sorry for the late post~! Wasn't expecting to stay another night at my friend's.^^; Ended up getting late and I really couldn't be bothered getting changed and stuff, so they let me stay over an extra day ><" Hahah I love how their parents don't even care about it. Generally I would have thought parents would hate people coming over (at least my parents seem to), but no, instead they welcome it >_<
So got picked up by my friend, Arend's mum. Was a little afraid of awkward silence, but that was alright. Lol didn't say her name cos I have no idea how to pronounce it. Anneke. >.> But yeah, she has a lot to talk about ^^; Hmm so ended up watching things really throughout the night.. Summer wars in English, watched some of Heston's Feast (wowwww), um.. new zealand's top model, glee, avatar last airbender, running man... hmm I think that's about it? This was over the two days mind you. Ate indian the first night which was nice, and yesterday, had a Dutch meal- brussel sprouts, potatoes, and some pork, apple sauce of some kind... Yeah. Hmm I think I still prefer asian food over it though >.> Can taste a bit bland.
So yeah, it was just four of us, Tarn (my bestie at uni), Arend- her boyfriend but also classmate, Jasper, and I. It was nice spending time with just them, but I've always liked it when it was the bigger group, cos it's a lot more rowdier ^^; I like it when there's just a whole lot of us just being silly xD Well there's probably going to be a whole lot of opportunities for that over the hols.. gotta make sure I put more effort into spending time with you guys though. I feel like I've really neglected you guys a lot >.>

Oh yeah so the sister situation... hmm I don't know yet. I just got back half an hour ago or so, Lucy's not back so she hasn't done any of the nudging and winking stuff, Rebecca... well she hasn't mentioned anything..See, I eventually told mum that I was staying over at a guy's place (she asked if it was a girl's and I was like no... then she made a face..>.> sighhh) so I made sure to reassure her it'd be fine, telling her that I've been to his before heaps of time, and that there were other people there as well. That seem to work a bit... I don't think my sisters mentioned me having a boyfriend just yet, but I could be very wrong.. cos I was thinking the other day that my sister's would probably assume I was staying over at Jasper's or something cos I never mentioned the sleepover to them, and the fact that I stayed over an extra night might give them the wrong impression or something. >.> So then they'd go blabbing to parents or something. Well they can't do anything about it >.>
Oh lol just before, my grandma just asked if I stayed at a girl's house, and I was like no... and she said, 'oh that boy probably likes you' (Arend), but I said no, he's my friend's boyfriend...And then she said " good, it's probably be a good thing, westerners should be with westerners..." sighhhhhh...

Sorry guys, won't be able to post anything tonight seeing as am over at friend's. Should be able to write up something tomorrow night ^^ well until then :P

Today I don't really have much to say... Went to bed around 4am cos I was talking to Jasper.. (we have a habit of talking later in the night ^^;), woke up around 10.40am. Ended up lying in bed for a while playing on my iphone...100 floors anyone? But yes, tomorrow I'll be staying over at my friend's where we plan to watch stuff and eat Indian >.> Cos Jasper says there's some good Indian food or something^^; Reason for the Indian food is cos recently I just tried Indian food for the first time, which was pretty good ^__^ He said he's had better so... yes. Yuuuuup. Don't really have much to say today >.> And did you guys check the vid out? ><" How amazing is his footwork at the start?? He seriously looked like he was floating! :O

Dancer

Seriously! Go and watch this link! This guy's footwork at the start is freaking awesome! -Mind blown-
http://www.wimp.com/contortionistdancer/

Timing

So today I went to class to get some work done/help from teacher... Well I'm more or less done with html/css I think.. maybe needs a bit more fine tuning cos things don't stick to the 'grid' very well. A lot of it is going by eye and my teacher Mark will be very picky with that >.> Next step is php! Farrrrkkk. This is going to be hard cos I didn't pay enough attention.. hopefully what I recorded will help but I seriously doubt it. I'm going to have to find some tutorials or something, else I'm going to be relying on my friend a lot ^^; And who really wants to do that? So I guess I'll keep you guys updated on how much of a fail that will be... T___T Eww this blogspot post is starting to remind me of wordpress D:

Anyway... After that, I decided to hang back after class, cos some of my other friends were coming in to celebrate my friend getting in/changing his course at RMIT so we went to Maccas. Spent like an hour or two there just eating and chatting, and eventually decided to go home. Now what I was going to get to.. when I came home, dropped stuff off, turned computer on.. I hear my sisters talking in the bathroom whispering something like.. "no you go ask her.. no say it like this.." and I had a bad feeling about it. And my fears came true T_T Rebecca came in and started asking questions.." Where were you? Were you with a guy?" I said I was with friends and somehow Lucy picked up something from what I said and said how I didn't deny I was with a guy, or my 'boyf' as she puts it. And it just so happens that my skype was logged on, Jasper called at that exact moment, which I quickly rushed to end call T_T Really? You don't often call so fast, but of all the times to do it, you call now?? ><" Le big sigh. So that ended up my sisters jumping up and down in my room for a while excitedly, and then Lucy's like ok that's enough excitement for me today and then goes back to her room... So I guess my sisters know now.. Wonder when I should tell my parents? Or will my sisters do that for me? O.o I was really hoping to put it off just a bit longer so I wouldn't have to deal with all this when I need to concentrate on work..... T____T

Tick Tock

What am I doing here right now?? Still don't feel the need to start right yet.. haven't started panicking so I assume I think I can get things done fast enough.. But I really don't want to be stressing for the next week or two =/ Alternatively I could go do my workout today (been doing it for the last week, about 40 or so minutes of exercise cos I've gained weight from stress eating TT__TT) but I don't feel like that either.. Maybe cos I'm still full from brunch. Hmm I'll give myself another half an hour before I do that then. Ok. Today. Must. Do. Website. I plan to go in to uni tomorrow so I can get some help if I need it. So it's crucial that I have something to work with. Which is proving to be difficult because I hate websites >.> Should really stop bitching about it and just get on with the bloody thing. But it's so much more fun talking about how I'm not doing any work than actually going to do some work.

Planning ahead. There's gonna be a month and a bit for holidays right? What should I do~~ Hmm well I *definitely* *must* organise my driving lessons. I've put that off for wayyyyy too long. And it's getting more embarrassing when I tell people I haven't done any hours orz <-(person on their knees if you didn't know). Then gotta get something for Devo's farewell/birthday gift... another friend going overseas for a long time T_T Also gotta get a present for my friend, who has a party on the very same day... TT____TT I plan to be at both somehow, just gotta figure out how to get to the other one... Will have to figure something out as it gets closer to the date. Hmm.

Ooh! I was just looking at Narnia book and thought "wow I'm actually making some progress! >< " I could be finished if I wanted to by the end of this week! Assuming I make time for reading of course. This could mean getting back into reading! Yes!

I really really really really want a 3DS. KH3DS is already out in Japan, and is nearly out in Europe... D: Would also like to get my hands on all the other 3DS games out there... Why don't I have one already?! Oh right.. I said I'd wait till they released a 'lite' version if they ever planned to get one out. Ok I think that should be enough for today.. going to try and get back into the daily post thing as I should keep people posted on what's happening in my lil ol' life. Seeing as I don't really meet up with everyone as often as I should. Oh well. That's what holidays are for right? Later~

So what have I been up to? Well the last two days, I did some intense cleaning, moving things around, chucked out a heap of school notes (mainly maths and geography >.>) to make some space. I used to think I didn't really have that much junk, but over the last few years, things really have started to accumulated ><" I'm slowly chucking out old stuff, but still finding it hard to detach myself to some things. A lot of things, I like to keep thinking that they will have a purpose in the future. Pfft probably won't. What else... Well I set up boot camp on my Mac. Don't know if I mentioned that already. But yeah I did it. Took forever though.. Tried backing everything, which took roughly 2 days, then did the whole installation of windows 7 which took a while, cos I had to download it >.>
Anyway, I'm more or less on holidays ever since Tuesday cos I kinda skipped class on Friday (oh the horror! what am i becoming??) and have a few weeks to finish my website, folio and a few extra pages for documentation of my second project. Technically I have plenty of time, except of course, motivation to do the work is another thing.. Really need to push myself for this one. Would really be cool if my site could be used for the real thing ><" Design wise, it's nothing amazing, but it's quite functional, so hopefully this is more targeted towards the audience.
Also I've picked up reading again, ever so slowly reading Narnia. I've still yet to read the book Janet lent me, which I hope to conquer as soon as I've finished Narnia. I read the first book, which took *-forever-*, definitely not very exciting >.> Started reading the lion, witch and the wardrobe.. currently up to the bit with the beaver who's just invited them to dinner. But yeah other than that, I haven't really done much... spent today with Jasper, watched MIB3 (So good!><) had lunch, and then just stayed at his for a lil bit.. Yeah. Time definitely seems to fly a lot faster now though, so might have to start properly planning things. =/

Hey guys ^^; Wow it's been about a month since I last posted... I have sort of wanted to post, but then I have no idea what to talk about... I'm wondering if I talk too much about my personal life on this thing. I don't particularly mind sharing stuff about my life, but it's kind of weird knowing that other people can easily read this without me knowing >.> (lol Nicola if you're reading this).
So Jess's party was great ^_____^ Was a lot of fun~ good to see people again even though I didn't really talk to any of our friends ><" But I met a lot of new people, so that was nice (^^) I usually don't mingle well, but this time, I felt like it was a lot of fun ><" Hahah maybe because I was hanging out with asians >.> my own people? ><" Well I definitely don't hang around asians during uni as I don't really know any of them that well..
Ended up adding two of them on facebook... one of them even asked for my skype ^^; Turns out apparently his friends had urged him to hook up or something but he realised I had a boyfriend cos of my bracelet (which was really just some cheap stuff from china that just happens to look like a replica of tiffany and co bracelet >.>)... so yes, I casually said that I had a boyfriend cos I had a feeling that he may have liked me...>.> Must say, this year has been weird for me >.> Why is this all happening within the same time frame O.o

Today we were learning about php/wordpress for our website.... D:D:D: The worst. We had to basically learn about a condensed version of php within 3 hours, and my teacher was going to decide on whether or not we'd be using it for our websites... And then he said yes D: Does that make sense? But basically we're going to be using coding that we learnt within 3 hrs, which really isn't a sufficient way of learning, especially if we don't get breaks, and the teacher goes 100 km/hr when going through the content. TT____TT So I figured I'm basically screwed for this major assignment, which is worth 50% TT_____TT Like we don't already have enough obstacles, the client still hasn't given us the finalised version of the content. Things keep getting stuffed up in this class for some reason... Definitely not my favourite subject.

Another thing to think about... so apparently Jasper kind of smokes weed. He doesn't really do it anymore, but that still really shocked me. I don't really know what to think of it because I didn't know anything about it, and he kind of just told me. He's easily influenced, so if his friend offered it to him on Thursday, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't resist.. He said he wouldn't though so I dunno... To be honest, it's things like these that put me off in a guy. He realises it's something I don't like, but now that I know, I don't know if I can just let it go... Eventually I guess I'll get over it, as long as he doesn't do it again... I don't know if I'm overreacting, but the good girl side of me is thinking "what am I going to do.."

Woah blogspot O.o

Crazy new interface? Hmm. Well. Update on what's been happening. So I think pretty much everyone knows >.> Our plan to keep it secret for a while was kind of a fail ><" Didn't even last a week. The only people who don't know are the people in our class I guess... will be interesting how that turns out :O
I still feel extremely bad about the other guys though... apparently one of them went to talk to my bestie... T_T Honestly can't believe why any of the guys would like me... And the other guy caught us leaning on each other holding hands while watching Dr Horrible at my friend's house..I can tell he was shocked but he played it really well like he didn't care... But you could tell he was acting differently, cos he was pretty quiet for a while and I assume he was pretending to sleep in that chair... I don't think I deserve any of their attention, especially if something like this happens. I miss school T_T Never had to worry about boys because there weren't any guys around in my life... But I guess I'm glad it's out in the open now (well family doesn't know yet, and don't plan to tell them anytime soon >.>) so hopefully things will be better from now on. Just an hour ago, he stopped by (courtesy to my other friend acting as a chaffeur^^") so he could get some cupcakes that I baked x'D Hopefully they'll like it. >.> Oh well, back to being a project manager.... TT____TT

Soooo... we decided to make it official ^_^" Well, at least said that to each other. We're not going to go around parading that information around, like on facebook for example. He doesn't like the idea of that anyway ><" I'm fine with it either way, it's not like I need people suddenly taking an interest in my love life all a sudden >.> And having to deal with all the questions... D: So yeah, I guess we're official since 12.09am 19th April, 2012 x'D Hahah. There are still a few problems that have me a little worried, but hopefully things will pan out eventually. We decided this after our first date yesterday, where we had lunch in the CBD, went to a Games Festival at ACMI which had some pretty cool games (currently trying to acquire some of them now xD) and then we just walked for a bit and eventually I showed him Minotaur. Overall it was a pretty good first date I reckon, still felt a little bit awkward when we didn't know what to talk about.. ><" Totally need advice on what to talk about >_<"

Tomorrow my dad will be leaving for China TT________TT Really, really sad. He'll be gone for 2 months, which means I'll be stuck with the rest of family, all girls for 2 whole months T___T Especially grandma... oh god. Hopefully she will be more manageable.. highly doubt it. Well she'll be going as soon as my dad returns I think? So hopefully she'll be happier back in China. She should be. I don't think being old should give you the right to complain about every little thing that doesn't even concern you... we've told her to just relax and not worry about every little thing, but she just likes to take it upon herself to be nosy and make it her business. I wonder if she'll be coming back after a few months? It's not like I hate my grandma, I just find her very difficult to deal with because she can't let things go unless it goes according her way. =___=

^_^ Well my project seemed alright apparently judging by the class' reaction. Still not too sure, because the teacher didn't really show much of a reaction I think, or rather I didn't really look at him when he was watching it ^^" But I think it did alright...maybe? Ahhh I want my marks back now xD

So today, our group of friends were just hanging, and afterwards Jasper and I kind of headed back to his place. Oh I forgot to mention- 2 people found out, and confronted me yesterday ^^" Which is really, really not what I wanted. Urgh I blame Jasper. >.> He sucks at acting. But yes, one of the guys who supposedly likes me asked, and my bestie asked. But yes, after we separated after lunch, we headed back to his place, you could see those two kind of giving off those looks...awkward as. I told Jasper I shouldn't cos it'd be too obvious but.. =.=" But yes, when we got to his place, we didn't do anything really, just talked. A lot better now because I always kind of found it awkward to talk to him ^^" But really awkward thing happened- I was kind of hugging him, and his twin bro came in ^.^" Lol we split so fast. You could tell he knew something was up, and it was this awkward pause thing.. oh god just reliving it is so embarrassing >___<" He was the one who had issues with friends hooking up with friends so I dunno... Don't really know him that much really ^^" I only really know about his work, but don't know anything else about him... I always thought he was quite an interesting person, but hard to analyse.
But yes, I left after watching a few youtube videos. Some weird guy called Keith- basically doing some dances... um let me see if I can find it...
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFD1E8B0910A73A12&feature=plcp
So take your pick. But yeah, pretty much left after that. Will be interesting how tomorrow will be... I don't want to go through all those "subtle" nudges and stuff. Which is one reason why I didn't want people to find out soon... I didn't want to deal with the pressure of other people's expectations.. it kind of just makes it harder for me to know what I want really... anyway, I'll see how it goes for now..

Last night I finished my graphics in motion project. Burned the dvds, so it's done. It's definitely not what I hoped it'd turn out T____T Sure, I might have moved beyond the tutorials a bit, but in terms of visual interest, it doesn't flow right. Especially the swirls into the audio part. I'll upload it next time when I can be bothered converting it to something smaller... But it really was quite a fail. Actually, I'll just upload it now for you to see... just to show. Will probably delete it at the end of the week on the off chance someone would even think of using it >.>

-video removed-


But I guess mine was pretty experimental, at least for me, because I usually attempt things that make sense, not just random shapes doing stuff. I'm hoping it won't do too bad though, it was a 'risk' after all. What I mean by 'risk' is that it was something different, because our teacher had this whole talk about 'risk'. Lol my video ended up straying away from the original storyboard, well mainly the middle part. Partly because I wasn't capable of producing what I set out to do, so I just looked up various tutorials to fill in the blanks. >__<"
Lol.. finally finished loading the vid... internet seems to be really crappy atm >.>

Yesterday was amazing~~\(^----------^)/ Thank you Caity for inviting me to MSO concert!!! Was the best x'D I felt like I didn't deserve it because I couldn't appreciate it on the same level as game enthusiasts, but it was still pretty damn spectacular >____< So. Many. People. Apparently around 5500 people? Heheh Caity and I spotted this awesome guy with a top hat, monocle, full on suit, with an awesome moustache. The kind that is twirled upwards on the ends >__< MSO played a lot of music from series I wasn't so familiar with, although heard of. Bioshock, Uncharted, God of War, World of Warcraft, Assassin's Creed, Soul Calibur (lol 5 pieces from that series?), Civilisation, Final Fantasy 7, Diablo 3, hmm what else... Well there were a few more others that I can't remember, which would have been great reason for them to have programs =.=" We had pretty amazing seats as well, in the centre with an aisle in front of us, so we could see the tech people working as well.
At some stage, they had a live tournament between two finalists for Soul Calibur, while the orchestra played and in front of a large audience. Talk about nerve wracking O.o It was kind of hard to watch for some of it, as you watched the other guy get thrashed ^^" In the end he managed to score once, so final score was 3-1. Still pretty intense, you could hear all the ooohing and ahhing ><
Hahah one of favourite parts was when they played FFVII- in the corner of my eye, I could see Caity tapping her finger away in time with the music >___<" Heheh someone was fangirling :P
Another was when we were watching footage from Soul Caliber, there was this guy who looked a lot like the moustache guy x'D Hahah we were both laughing x'D But man, overall it was such a great night^_____^ Seriously, thank you so much Caity!!!!!

Currently around 4 in the morning, and I've just woken up, still feeling stressed about. We've barely begun, not even a date, and we're already facing an obstacle/s. We had to decide last night that we shouldn't do some stuff. And what I mean by that is i shouldn't text him to open the door for me, or have him ask jack if he is picking me up today. I really want to sleep, but I'm having trouble. I need some sort of advice :(

I'm actually contemplating on not going to tomorrow's marathon now... I don't like knowing behind peoples' back like that. I hate pretending like I don't know anything, it makes it hard to act normal when I'm around them. They've become a bigger part of my life because I see them on a fairly regularly basis.. and the fact that I can't confide to my best friend, I feel like I'm all alone in this. Well that's not true I guess... I still have him as this is our problem now, but I don't want to disappoint anyone :'( I really need a hug right now :(

FUCK. Ok, so it turns out he also liked me as well. The other dude. So my intuition was correct then... oh god, how'd this happen?? I'm hoping he doesn't confess or anything as well, or else this will be REALLY awkward. Not in a mean way. Coz I like him, but just as a friend. I noticed he started texting me around the same time as when Jasper (the guy I'm with) started to text me as well... And more recently, he started adding hearts to some of his texts... I was hoping it was just some sort of affectionate thing to show that he trusted me more cos we've gotten closer =/ So two of them liking me while I go out with the other... We've decided not to mention it to anyone yet...I'm just wondering how I'll hold off if they make any advances on me.. Hopefully the other two will get over their crush or find someone else... :S I'm seriously hoping this won't affect any of my friendships. :S:S Why does my life feel so dramatic all the time? TT_____TT

Ok, so I was just going through some of my older posts... I don't really think I've changed since gaiaonline ^^" In most cases, I kind of enjoy reading what I've written, I can still imagine how I felt when I wrote some of the entries. ><" I don't know about you guys though. And I am so so sorry for being such a whiny b****. I don't think that will change anytime soon. ^^" But thank you for putting up with me for the last few years... it's been a good 3/4 years now ^_____^ I hope you guys won't get tired of what I have to say for the next few years! ^^

Lol currently, I'm tempted to lock my blog in fear of people finding it ><" I just mentioned that I had one to him, and he was curious ><" Lol as if in hell I'd show him! x'D considering what my last post was >____< But no, this blog was specifically designed for you guys from school, so you can know about me despite not seeing each other often. If I did lock it, how many of you guys actually read this crap? Cos then I'd need your email addresses to invite you to view my blog... extra hassle for you guys, as that would mean you'd have to log in to view it. ^^" Doesn't mean I will lock it, but if there was any chance of people finding it, I would have to lock this thing xD

^___________^ He asked me out >_<" The one I've had a crush on for a while... I said yes :P We've really been staying up late for the last week texting each other ^^" I sort of... well led the convo into that direction :P I mentioned how I've never been on a date before, and he said he'd take me on one ^__^ Really cute because he said he was blushing >< I'm wondering how this will all work out... we decided we'll keep it a secret for now and deal with problems later.. (mainly the dude who has a crush on me... T_T). I dunno if he's the best guy for me, but for now, I think I'll just go with the flow. ^^

I'm either really full of myself, or there are people out there who actually like me. I'm kind of worried about the attention I'm getting now... >.> if by any chance, the guys actually do like me... well I don't know how I'd deal with that. I mean, one of them waited to text me saying good morning...? Apparently I helped brighten up his mood coz he's been down for the last few weeks? Which honestly, I don't think I was ever capable of O.o And then there's the other guy, who I've recently been watching stuff with over Skype late into the night.... Then there's his brother, lol, I doubt he likes me, but he likes to show me all his work ^^" Hahah maybe because I always shower him with compliments xD Then there's the other guy who confessed to me last year... You guys are probably thinking "man, she's so full of herself..." which I probably am, at least I feel like it at the moment. But this is the first time in my life where I feel remotely desirable by the opposite sex >.> From not talking/no contact with guys for about 7 whole years since moving to IGGS, to then be put into an environment where there are guys... well I guess I really haven't matured at all if I'm still acting like a school girl ^^" I hate it because then I end up over thinking these things (if you can't tell already =.=") when I really actually want to be concentrating on my uni life. That was my original goal actually. Do the whole love relationship thing after uni. Seriously though, did I do something recently to deserve all of this? Can't tell if it's a good or a bad thing...

It's so weird...><" I feel like I'm getting showered with attention by all the guys in my group atm... feels a lil suss to be honest.... >.>

Conflicted with emotions

I don't know... I've been slacking with blogging because I really don't know what to say. I'm having trouble organising my thoughts, as every little thing pops into my head begging for attention. Last post was about my sitting... Well that went rather...slow. A total of 12 people visited, 13 including a baby. A total of 3 people watched my group's film, which is a pity as majority kind of walked out because of two other films (one got a lil weird, and the other one is just some guy standing while photoshoot lights are flashing). So yes very disappointing. Well I didn't expect many people in the first place, but was hoping there'd be more people to keep me distracted.

Hmm so what else? Been overly stressed about my assignments because of all the missed classes (because the teacher didn't come for 3 weeks in a row =.=") so we all got an extension, but this bites into the time we'll use for our other projects. And we're already on a tight schedule =/ So basically, I've barely learnt any after effects from my classes, only a few things which haven't completely stuck because the teacher went through the tutorial like the speed of light. So needless to say, I've been doing my own research into tutorials and such >.>

I guess another thing I've recently been thinking about is... well guys >.> The guy I had a crush on around last year has sort of gotten close to me within the last few days. I don't really know how to act, I guess I'm still attracted to him but... well I feel guilty. The fact that we're friends, and that the dude that had a crush on me is also friends with him... and he asked me out not to long ago again to watch a movie with gold class movie vouchers... and I said I'd be busy all March... and then I end up watching a movie with the group on the very last day of March... So I sort of feel like I'm stepping all over his sincerity T_T How do I deal with such a situation? I kind of want to avoid everything again and just climb into a hole and wait for everything to blow over.

Hey guys ^_^ So if you didn't already know, I'm doing my sitting this week on Saturday (tomorrow). So here's the link again: http://www.facebook.com/events/268130343261909/
So I'll be there from 12-6pm, just sitting there, twiddling my fingers. So if you're in the city, or if you love me very much and are willing to make the trip there to visit me, I would love to see you ^_____^ If you're busy that's fine. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing there, if I'm really just sitting there watching people go into the gallery, or am I meant to explain the pieces to them..? (hope not because I have no fricking clue what they mean >.>) I figure I'll just bring my ds, maybe a book to read, and if I can find any homework I can do that doesn't require any programs or internet that'd be good. I really need a laptop that works =/ It's really inconvenient not having a laptop to work on sometimes.. And I really do miss using Windows :( Wonder when was the last time I used it..? And I was such a big Windows supporter too.... Definitely need to fix this when I have some money to burn.
But yes, please visit me tomorrow if you can! ^_____^

Busy Busy

So the last few days have been interesting. Yesterday, I had my first exhibition! Just to clarify, this is not just for me xD It's just a selected few works that my film teacher and some fine arts teacher chose to exhibit. So the short clip that me and my friends did got the opportunity to show it to the public! ><" So around 6pm we went into Screen Space (the place where the exhibit is held) and watched the few works on display. In total, there are 6 works? Plus one live performance work. A lot of these works are really out there, to be honest, I still don't really get them. I watched them all at least three times, but still doesn't make much sense. A lot of people turned up, a lot more than I expected. Which was pretty awesome =D=D My friend's families came along, which felt a bit awkward because I had no one with me. That was my own decision though I guess, I never told my parents about it, and even if they did come, they wouldn't understand any of it. But anyway, at the start I got interrogated by my friend's dad o.O He literally kept asking me questions about the video, and I'm looking at my other friend to help me out ><" I mean, for our piece, we really didn't really have much of a purpose- we just wanted to make a film that was..funny? But eventually that ended and we ended up watching all the vids again. Lol this might sound a tad obnoxious, but I felt kind of popular that night ><" I wore a dress yesterday, thinking that I should at least look nice for my first( and probably last) exhibition. Guys are so superficial like that >.> At uni we don't really talk that much, but suddenly you have a lot to say? =.=" It was kind of nice though because I've been feeling so low, so it was nice to have a confidence boost.
Unfortunately I still have to commit to the exhibition, which we found out on the night =/ They want us to do 3 six hour sittings, preferably separate till the end of the exhibit. Really inconvenient seeing as I have 4/5 days I'm at uni. And I would prefer to have the whole weekend to do homework. So at the moment it looks like I'll have to do the Saturday shifts, which I'll have to confirm with the rest of my group. If anyone is free, please visit me! :D:D Here's the event page: http://www.facebook.com/events/268130343261909/
After that we went to the pancake parlour for dinner, although more like dessert for me><" In the end I couldn't finish it, only eating about 1/3 of the Bavarian apple pancake. I think I was a little put off by one of the videos ^^" Overall it ended on a good note, despite the crazy rain. \

TODAY> FEELING WEIRD. Today I had anatomical drawing. During the first half hour, we watched this guy torture himself. Some of it was rather cringe worthy. There was him, half naked, crawling across a floor of glass because it looked like "stars". Him getting shot by his friend in the arm. Another video of him, trying to breathe water for several minutes. These videos are like something you'd watch in an art film or something (which I guess it essentially is), but I've always thought of it as acting- that it isn't real, just a show. It kind of scares me what people are willing to do for the sake of art. Like killing animals just to take pictures of it for example. I don't know if that's true, but I wouldn't be too surprised :/
After that, we proceeded to draw. After half an hour of that, we had a chance to see a cadaver. I had a quick think about it, wondering if I should go or not. I decided to go because it would be a good chance to take a look. I don't know if I regret it or not. It all felt quite surreal until you could smell the stench. The smell. I can still imagine that rancid smell unfortunately. I did my best to not inhale too much, else I think it would have gotten to me. The cadavers are apparently stored for 6 months or so before they're allowed to be dissected. The skin looked quite yellow, tad withered away. Like I said, it felt quite surreal. I sort of imagined it as a plastic life like model of the body. Or maybe something like Ron Mueck. But not really real. This also got me thinking about if I died, what would I want to do with my body? It's not the first time I've thought about it though. Donate it? Bury it? Cremate it? I don't suppose a lot of people our age really think about stuff like this. Honestly, it kind of creeps me out too.
But yes, last few days have been..interesting.

Tidal wave of homework

Sheesh... currently just finished second week of uni, and I've already gotten heaps of work =/ I was seriously disappointed when I showed my storyboards to the class on Monday, to get a less than enthusiastic response. That is not to say my ideas were amazing or anything, but no one really got what I was trying to do. I think one of the problems was that people did not read my storyboard, and the fact that what I'm trying to do is more visual so people could not visualize how I intended it to be. That is the fault of the teacher if you ask me, he did say black and white >.> So he asked me to redo my storyboards with colours, which I just finished one -.-" My procrastinating ways will never end. But anyway, on top of that, I have to create animatics, basically the storyboard in time with the music. I'm supposed to only choose one, but I think I'll have to do it for all three of my storyboards because I don't know which idea to choose for my final. I didn't really get constructive feedback besides people not getting how my storyboards related to my moodboards. Grrrrrrr.
Besides feeling pissed off for that subject, I'm a little worried for my anatomical drawing class. I did not realise this actually involved a project, I just assumed we'd be drawing for the whole semester. Apparently not =/ Let's see... have to come up with an idea about the anatomy and body based on philosophy, history, spiritually, culturally and scientific knowledge. The final outcome can be anything- painting, video, performance etc. Damn it. I thought this subject was going to be more technical, learn body parts and how they work etc. I didn't think it'd be this wish washy art crap. I wanted to get away from trying to be creative and coming up with ideas for once =.= But no, now I have to create some sort of folio on some idea possibly on some topic I won't like. Like looking up some morbid images of decapitated heads or something >.>
Ok ok.. I think I've procrastinated enough. Finish those damn storyboards/animatics Mei!!

Game of Thrones

I just finished watching the first season of Game of Thrones. It is good as everyone else says. At first I couldn't really get into it, but a few episodes in, it gradually got better. Ending was good ^^ It had a lot of sex in it though, so if any of you guys plan to watch it, avoid parentals x'D I had to lower my volume to avoid family hearing certain sounds ><" But yes, go watch it if you can!

You know when you spot your own habits, but can't change them? I've known a few of my habits for quite a while, but still have not been able to stop them. Which is why I we call them habits I guess. I often bite my lips, which is a very bad habit, cos my lips get all dried =/ Do you guys have bad habits?

So, recently everyone has been talking about Joesph Kony. Sorry to bring it up again to all those who are sick of it already. Admittedly, I kind of fell on the bandwagon with sharing the viral video. I wasn't doing it because of the craze, but I was just supporting the idea. I admit I should have done my research beforehand, without mindlessly sharing the video. I first saw the video on this dA artist I follow, who is known to be an environmental activist, and I generally love what she has to say^__^ But later she posted saying that she hadn't done her research which led me to new info on the whole Invisible Children. Ok, so maybe the whole organisation is a bit screwed. Fair enough for those who are against the organisation. But I still think it's amazing how far this one idea has spread. It's nice to see when people fight for a cause on such a global scale. Although, a lot of these people are probably like me who have been misinformed about certain facts eg. where the money goes, the fact that invisible children support Uganda's army who also commit crimes such as rape etc. I guess generally, it's a sham. However, the fact that people are trying to be less ignorant of issues such as this is a start.

Yesterday's class was interesting. I had anatomical drawing at Clayton, not my usual campus. So I decided to travel a different route rather than getting to Caulfield and taking a bus to Clayton, which would take an extra half hour or so. Didn't realise I should have taken a bus to shoppo, so I missed the bus that was right in front of me, which I could have taken. Ended up waiting in the cold for a while. Eventually managed to catch a bus to shoppo, then Box hill, which ended in the longest waiting I've ever done (since the intro of the smartbuses) in a bloody wind tunnel. It's not even supposed to be that cold, but waiting at the bus stop there sucks. Eventually arrived at Clayton on a packed bus, didn't realise it was such a long bus ride :/ Frantically texting to other friends saying I wouldn't be on time, but turns out I was the first to arrive there. Already 5 min late to lecture. Decide to go try looking for class in Clayton. Ultimately get confused so I head back to the bus stop to wait for friends. Eventually when they both arrive, we're already half an hour late. We go looking for our room to find it empty. So we decide to wait for the next class, trying to peek in and see if it was our class. We walked around a few times unsure if we were in the right place, so we checked the other side. Then we overhear a convo with another girl who is lost, and it just so happens that the class was in the room we were initially at the first time round. =.=" I think they were looking around the other room which we'll be in for drawing. But yes. Tutor/lecturer is interesting. I'm sort of thinking psychopath at the moment, and perhaps the rest of the class because this class seems a lot more morbid than I thought it would be. When people start to say how some organ is beautiful or whatever, kind of creeps me out a bit. I honestly thought this class would involve just drawing, but apparently not. Some reason there will be a more philosophical approach? I dunno.
*disclaimer- don't continue reading if you feel squeamish about body parts and stuff

So eventually we go to the other room, which is filled with parts of bodies in 'pots'. For obvious reasons, photography is not allowed. So far, the class was not really what I expected, but it's still kind of interesting. The room is shared with med students, so it'll be interesting to see what they get up to. This class also gives the chance for us to see the med students dissecting cadavers (if we want), which would be a great opportunity to examine the structure of the body, but it's definitely more confronting. I'm still tossing up on whether or not I could do it. Like the teacher said, seeing separate body parts is different to seeing the whole thing. It's already morbid enough to see parts of the body contained (like this hand my friend was drawing.. either side of the hand was cut, so on the side view, with the little skin left, you could see the hairs on it...D:) but seeing a whole body, dealing with the smell... I'm not sure if I could do it. It's amazing how media has constantly bombard us with images of death/blood etc, yet it's totally different in real life. But I think this class will be a real eye opener (no pun intended), and I could learn lots from it.

What can I do?

I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this year. Last year. My concentration levels have already deteriorated to practically nothing, I'm stressed over things I shouldn't be thinking about... I really wanted to cry in class because I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I can barely talk to my friends anymore, it seems like too much effort when no one would really listen... I must have missed out on heaps during the time I spent working, I feel as if everyone grew closer and I'm further apart than ever. Or I guess maybe it's just me, my inability to fully trust anyone and have a close friendship. Why the hell did I turn out like this? I hate it when I start hating life, I hate it when I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything... Why can't I just be happy? Life is starting to repeat itself, almost like the time in Yr12 when I felt so empty. I really want to travel. Wouldn't it be nice to leave everything behind and start anew?

-Edit-
Maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic. I can't really tell. But I hope these lingering thoughts will leave me soon so I can get on with my life.

Hey guys :) Sorry for the lack of posts, last few weeks I've been feeling down, so I haven't been as active as I've wanted to be. Instead I've taken to creating mental entries, so that my blog won't turn back into some sort of depressing outlet. But anyway, I'm more or less back, so hopefully there will be something to look forward to in my future posts! ^____^

But lately I've just been watching stuff- mainly a korean variety show called Running Man, but I've already caught up to it D: It's super funny >___< Seriously makes me want to go to South Korea and see the cast X'D ~~~ Hmm what else... hmm well I've also watched City Hunter and working on One Piece. Around 100 eps in now :P Currently folding stars while I've been watching One Piece ><" Seriously... folding stars has become a habit I think :/ I have too many stars. I actually kind of want to give away one of my jar of stars (partly cos the colours are everywhere ><" ocd?) Would anyone want it?

Lately I've also been collecting images of crafty stuff that I want to make. Let me just go find some examples..


I went out and bought wool for this. A little worried that it's not going to turn out to be the right colour... mine looks more of a baby blue..:/
Not quite crafty, but I like to paint my nails >.>
OMG when I saw this. Look at the soot! God I have to learn how to make such awesome things~!
Heheh then I'll make an army of angry birds and throw them at people >____<
Hehe pascal!! Looks kinda hard to make though D: I can see a lot of mistakes ahead...
Hehe I can totally do this :P Also have the mushroom tin as well :P Woooot~~~

But yes, I really want to get around doing all these things, even though it's quite... useless, but it's always fun when you see the final outcome ^_^ Before I do that, I must finish some of my cross stitching, I really want to start doing this clock one... well you'll see when I get around to it :P

But yes, enough spamming for one night. Night~

OMG why can't you just leave me alone??! Seriously... I'm actually getting really annoyed with this guy. Why the hell did I promise I'd see a movie with him?? One reason why I haven't logged onto skype is because I don't want to talk to him! He seems more and more desperate now and it's really getting on my nerves. Does not help that I've been annoyed all week -_______-

To be honest... the shopping online hasn't completely faded away yet... ^^" I still browse start nearly daily, can't help but want things. I'm so materialistic ><" I've been looking at some clothes, and I saw this cute jumper, except then I saw the Chinglish on it =.=" I hate it when clothes are ruined by the lame Chinglish on clothing. It'd be fine if I were in China or something, but here in Australia, people would laugh -.- But other than clothes, I've been looking up books and stuff that has nostalgic value to me. Like recently I've been trying to buy the Teen Power Inc. books by Emily Rodda. Sorta hard to find, at least the original print. And there were more than 30 books I think? I've only read about 10 or more I think. Remember trying to find the whole series in Junior school, but having no luck =/
Also been buying games, at least, all the good games I've once played before/don't own. So now I own all of the Phoenix Wright series, they just have yet to arrive >_<" This is slowly becoming a problem, because I still haven't been paid yet/mum still owes me my money, so I really should hold off spending all my money online. Damn I'm becoming one of those online shopaholics o.O

Tomorrow is the Japanese Summer festival. I'm supposed to be going with a bunch of my friends, except I kind of don't want to go now. 1- weather is looking bad, and I don't want to make an effort to go all the way to the Docklands if I'm going to get rained on. 2- I sort of don't want to be in the company with my friends atm... seeing as two of them are dating now, and the other one likes me(still. I think), I just don't really like that atmosphere.
Next week there's a party for 4 of my uni friends, who don't really know the couple are going out, basically, nothing that's been going on these holidays. Honestly, I don't want to go to that either. I just feel like avoiding my uni friends for a while.. I'm really craving some girl company. Since my friend started her relationship, she's more or less abandoned our friendship. At least it feels like it. Admittedly, it is partly my fault because I've been busy working over the holidays. But I mean, we used to talk every night on Skype before that, but now, either I don't talk to her, or if I am, she's slow to reply cos she's talking to the other guys or she makes time for her bf again =.= Atm they're inseparable, she almost weekly stays over at his, days at a time, you'd think you'd want some time alone at some point?
So over the next few weeks, I think I'd rather spend some time with school friends. If anyone is up for it, just let me know, and we can do something :) I'm getting a bit sick of staying at home when I'm not motivated enough to do anything. So yes. Also, any of you guys are free to come over if you want as well. Anything. Seriously.

Need Opinions

I need some opinions. Do people prefer my hair shorter or longer? I liked having long hair, cos I was able to hide my face behind it, and I could play around with hairstyles and stuff. But I'm starting to think I look better with shorter hair now... I think it's time for a haircut?

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Hey guys! Happy Chinese New Year!!! Woot!

So...I've just bought two FF games ^__^" So when I receive my packages, I should have FFVII, FfVIII, and FFIX. Damn I spend so much money X'D Good thing though I guess, is that they're about the cost of what a new game would cost, even a bit cheaper than that. What annoys me though is that these games are a lot easier to buy than finding Phoenix wright games/layton games =/ I did just receive Apollo Justice in the mail today though, which is good ^_^ Although not as good as the other games, it's still fun :P

I'm thinking after this month, I won't be splurging on anything on the internet though. Hopefully. I just want to get some drawing/animation books. Mainly related to disney/pixar etc. I received a book today, " The art of 3D computer animation and effects", which is looking pretty good. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever fully read it, more like an interest kind of book. But it's definitely worth more than the price I paid for it, which is good ^_____^

Ohhhh yes. Guess what? I finally have a bookcase!!! YAY!!!! It's pretty full atm, covered in other junk besides books of course. But it makes me happy being able to see my books on a shelf rather than in plastic bags on the floor, or in a box. Now I've just gotta find a better way to store them all so I can fit more stuff on it... hmmm.

Happy New Year guys!

Happy new year!!!! 2012!!!!! *woooooot* It's been nearly 2 weeks since the near year, so sorry for the delay! :P Just been busy doing this and that, and plenty of who knows what. I would cover what has been happening the last few weeks except that could drag on forever... ><"

In other news, I've recently opened a new bank account so I could get a debit card! >w<" You know what that means! Online shopping! Woot!!! So I've already bought heaps of stuff, just waiting for more packages to arrive now.. already received 4 packages, one game- secret agent clank, a short sleeved cardi, striped skirt and another package for my sister which was my christmas prezzie to her :D:D But damn, online shopping is not going to be good for me ><" Pretty addictive I have to say. I still have quite a lot that I want to buy online, and I've definitely spent more than 100 already... damn ><" Self control Mei! But I really really want to collect the ace attorney series and the layton series... man, do you know how expensive they are?? Damn! I really should have bought them when they were still available at ebgames... hate it when they don't print them anymore...Definitely need to get some ff games too... mainly 6,8 and 9 now. Been trying to buy clothes online too... hopefully they'll turn out alright and fit me, or don't look totally different from pics... seeing as a lot of them are shipped from china ^^" Which is why I wanted to buy more stuff in China. Would have been a lot more cheaper, and less hassle. But yeah... shopping. Bad.