Plans to move out

It's been in the talks for a while with Jasper. I've been wanting to move out with him for a while, considering nearly all this year, I've been spending a majority of my time at his apartment. So I'm hoping to move out with him sometime in February. I know I know, why am I moving out when I'm not even financially secure? Look, I've thought about it a lot, and I'm not really a person to make really rash decisions. But logically, I should be able to find a job some time soon. I'm just not pushing myself hard enough. And on the off chance that I don't get a job before then, well, I guess I'll run on my savings. And Jasper has offered to pay as well T^T But of course, I'll do my best to get a job before that happens. Haven't found a place as of yet, but looking at a few small apartments currently. We're hoping to pay roughly 25o max per week together. So 125 per person. So if I get a job, that shouldn't even be too hard to make a living. I told my mum yesterday, which ended up with me in tears. Honestly cried for a good 20 or so minutes I think. She is very harsh with her words. Saying that I was ungrateful and how she more or less wish that my sisters and I didn't exist. There are some other stuff behind all this, but I'd rather not go in depth about it... But it's still unfair for her to say such harsh words and treat me the way she has considering what I've sacrificed. Paying for school fees does not justify everything. But anyway. After that, things went back to normal. I don't know what this means. But I've more or less got the support of my grandma, which admittedly is a little unexpected. But she thinks that if I'm moving in with Jasper, it should be alright. There are a lot of things to consider, and I can't say I'm fully prepared or organised about this. All of this is very new to me, and the fact that this has been organised last minute, and sort of reliant on me was unexpected. I had the expectation that Jasper would be the one who'd be organising it all from beginning to end. Well, no. I helped him look at a few places for rent, and apparently now I should go to do an inspection of some of these places. I'm a bit worried about that. What exactly am I meant to look out for? What am I meant to ask? What do I do if it's perfect, but there are also other people who want it? Is it first come first serve? What do I do?? Sigh. With all this stress about moving out, looking for a job, need to work on portfolio, thinking about parties in the weeks ahead... there are so much more to think about that I'm slightly over in my head.. I wish Jasper was here TT__TT

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you guys get lots of prezzies cos you guys deserve it! ^__^ Today is going to be a bit busy, apparently there are people coming over, so I need to vacuum the house when I get a chance. We'll probably just have a feast, which Lucy is preparing early in the morning atm, so hopefully it won't taste too bad. >.> Seriously, I've never seen so much food in our house. It does not happen. It's been a while since we've done anything big as a family... things have sorta gotten out of hand over the year, so it's a good thing to have people over. Of course, I'll probably end up stuck in my room and only come out to greet and eat. One of my plans today is to read. It's so exciting! ><" I've been saying it in the back of my head for ages, but never done anything about it. But I reckon I've finally got the time to do that. Well, I've always had but I've always been watching some tv show or something. Hmm maybe I should read that book... what's it called again? Oh yeah. The book thief. That's a great book. I wish I had more books though... books I haven't read. Within the last 3 yrs, I've bought over possibly 20 or so books because I've wanted to own all the good books I've read that kept my childhood alive. If it weren't for books, I don't know how I would have survived life. It really helped me escape my life once in a while, and I really miss that. Everything feels so real. Does that make sense? I actually feel like my creativity has been drained since uni. Books used to make me feel really creative. I guess I need to recharge on that stuff? But I think it's getting harder for me to imagine like I used to so vividly. So I guess it's time to bring back another part of me that I used to care a lot more. I went to a friend's place and celebrated Dutch Christmas a few weeks ago, which was a lot of fun. Partly cos a lot of people weren't expecting their gifts, and it's really fun to see everyone's reaction. An example of this was this tv box. Sure we all though, hah that's obviously a tv. But when it came to opening it, it was actually a 3D tv! ><" Unexpected feature woo! And I also received a gift despite it being last minute. Oh and I forgot to mention that they read a poem before each gift. And I received a beautiful one from Sinterklaas (which I suspect was Arend's mum). Here it is: Mei, Beauty and quiet strength combined are qualities one does not often find but in you, lovely Mei they are abundantly present in every way Part of the 'tribe' that grew these last few years you were always somewhere in the heart of that group of peers gathering with a multitude of films and food romantic love entering into it to boot the next few months may be a bit still but perhaps lighting a candle will chase away gloominess and make the length of the wait feel a little bit less Sint. <3 So sweet. And so I got that beautiful candle holder. Lol, only thing is that 'Sint' left the price tag on xD Still. It was beautiful. I don't light it everyday because I don't have my own matches but when I do, it's nice to stare at the flickering flame. Anyway gonna go now cos I can't concentrate with two people talking to me. Ciao ^^

Hey guys! Okay- just going to put it out there for now, I'm going to be posting at least once a week, because I need to fill in my time right now :/ So lonely without Jasper now. Can't believe it's only been a week without him. T____T Well hopefully time will fly by... Anyway. What's happening in my life? Well not much apparently. Things have died down heaps, haven't seen anyone for a whole week (well except for Devo on Skype!) so I'm a little lonely. I'm meant to start getting my life sorted, so I got newstart allowance, which requires me to look for 10 jobs per week T____T I'm finding it hard to find suitable part time/full time jobs in hospitality similar to my job at the shop. I've only managed to get 2 job interviews, and so far no responses from them :/ I guess I'm not really a good candidate T^T I'm a bit worried how I'll find a job/career because I don't really specialise in any area. I mean sure, it'd be great to work in a small studio with a group of people.. but then who would hire me? Everyone wants the best, and I'm far from that. I've always been average or a bit above it, who wants that? I do want to be able to apply myself somehow, but who is willing to give a graduate with no experience a chance? Not many places that I know of. They all want people with experience. I know my teacher said at some point that we should just ignore that and apply- but that doesn't work unless you have good work to show. If not, then it won't make a difference. It would have been great if all unis had a work path plan. They somehow make deals with companies and such, and make sure everyone will end up somewhere. Guess it's not that easy. :/ I've got to look for 10 jobs by Wednesday I think, cos I have to report back and have an appointment with Centrelink. Forewarning for those who want to apply for newstart- don't bother applying if you don't like hassle. I wish I didn't. It's not work 250 something dollars per fortnight just so I can waste my time applying for jobs just to meet their requirements, as well as going to 3hr sessions doing nothing but look for jobs on their slow computers. Just thinking about it gets me riled up. Moving on. I really really want to rearrange my room. I wish I had more space. But I'm thinking if I rearranged it the way I have in my mind, I should be able to get some extra room. Only downside is where my Mac is placed. I mean, I don't really want to have my computer facing towards the way people come into my room so they can look at my screen. I mean, I'm not watching anything unsavory if that's what you're thinking, but like if I'm talking to Jasper, maybe he doesn't want others to see him. That kind of thing. I should probably think about this a bit more, because at the moment, the bed is aligned nicely with my computer so I can watch movies in bed. Hmmm. Oh well. I'll see how I go cos there's so much crap to move if I choose to rearrange it ^^;