Avoid reading if you don't want to be depressed

Is it okay for me to hate my sister on her birthday? She's really just pissing me off in general and honestly, I kind of just don't want to live with her anymore. I hate it when she borrows my new clothing/shoes etc without asking, or when she does, I'm not even paying attention. I wouldn't mind it if it weren't for the fact that I haven't even worn it once yet. This might seem like a petty reason to hate my sister, but lately she really has been a jerk. Just before I told her that one of her cheeks looked a little red, probs because of blush or something, and she replies "well you're face is always red". Fricking hell I was just trying to be nice and tell that maybe she might want to fix it up or something, but no, just go attack my self esteem, or what little I have left. Few weeks ago, she called me fat in front of a family friend, which just put me in the worst mood. It's been like this for years. When I started losing my teeth, my dad and sis would tease me, when I had a "moustache", when I had ugly eyebrows, and recently, just calling me fat. These a few of the reasons why my self esteem levels are so low, and how I always feel self conscious around everyone. You'd think after a few years of this that I'd be used to it by now, but still it hurts when you're constantly told so.
There are so many depressing memories in my life that it really makes me wonder how I've managed without confiding in anyone pretty much all my life. Which makes me think I'm really self centred all the time, because so many thoughts revolve around the past rather than what should matter. It kind of makes me worry about my assignment due on monday, which is basically a one minute flash animation of my life so far in text. I'd say I have quite a colourful life, in the sense that there have been a lot of things that have happened, except they really aren't appropriate for everyone in the art faculty to see (as these will be displayed on the tvs in the art buildings..), as they are quite personal. I don't think I would have minded too much if it were just the class, but does everyone need to know? I think I might have finally let go of this past. But it's not something I want everyone to know. I don't want people to judge. I'll just say it. Don't read further if you already feel uncomfortable as it is. Please don't treat me any differently, or feel the need to empathise with me. This is quite personal, so I'd prefer if you don't go around telling the everyone. It's just something I want to share with you guys, because I feel like I can finally move on with my life, and this is just something that I've always wanted to tell someone, anyone, but have been too afraid to tell.

























When I was younger, I used to be abused as a kid. It's something that I've never told anyone, except that time on gaiaonline where I posted on my journal. It happened quite often I think, one reason why my grandma moved to Australia really. Even then I don't think it stopped, she would always recount these memories when we used to share a bedroom, how she always had to put ointment on all my bruises. I hated it when she used to tell me this. And all the other countless stories. Like how some father raped his kids. I was probably under 10 yrs old for gods' sake. I remember a few times when I used to get abused, they're quite vivid, although I might have made up bits and pieces. Even though my grandma came to Australia, it was really no different. At some point, they brought in this stick- basically a thick enough stick that can hit you so that it leaves a mark. Grandma would sometimes use it. There were times where I used to run around the house trying to avoid it. Lucy would never get hit I think, she was special in a way because she had asthma, so usually it was always me who received the end of the stick. It all probably stopped in Grade 3/4 not too sure. But I still think there was some verbal abuse, as you probably judged from above.
Look, I don't blame my parents anymore, and I hope you won't judge them- this was all in the past. I admit, there have been a few times where I've thought to well... do something stupid, but I'd know I'd never do it, because it would be stupid. Honestly, I could probably go on and say more, but I don't think that would do any good. I just hope my parents realise how lucky they are for me not turning out to be a delinquent, and grateful for what I've managed to put up with. These are some of my darkest secrets I guess, but it just feels good to just say it, after bottling it up for so many years. And I'd appreciate it if you don't try to 'talk about my feelings' face to face, this is the best way for me to present my thoughts, so if you feel the need to say something, email me or something. Thank you for understanding and I hope this hasn't become a burden for you.